


Would, Not Will

by otomiyatickles



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Memories, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 01:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17091902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otomiyatickles/pseuds/otomiyatickles
Summary: (Insert in episode 7) Ash has offered to get rid of his best friend, only for his safety. He agrees that Eiji shouldn’t be here, but that doesn’t make this easier for him.





	Would, Not Will

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to [otomiya-tickles.tumblr.com](http://otomiya-tickles.tumblr.com/) \- 5/9/'18.  
> 

“You and I live in different worlds.” Ash had never thought he could say something so cold to the person he cared the most about. Cold, but true. 

Eiji had always known, he _should_ have known. But still, why did he have to look so sad? Ash tried to think of the last moment they were happy together. When they shared a laugh together.

Surely it was when he was tickling Eiji. Of course. Both he and Shorter had gotten the hang of that lately; making Eiji laugh by simply using their fingers. The last time, or probably one of them, flashed through his memory. At Jessica’s house. 

Ash had left the table, a bit gutted because of what he had to say about parents, but he wasn’t wrong.

Eiji had followed him outside, and stood next to him, trying to cheer him up by not even talking about the matter, just silly things about the house, dinner, and about how cute Max’ son was. Ash just sighed and leaned his head on his shoulder, to which Eiji suddenly responded by pulling away, claiming Ash smelled of mustard. Hehe. 

Of course Ash couldn’t resist, and grabbed Eiji to pull him back in a tight embrace, fingers prodding his sides while he teased him with his mustard breath by breathing in his face. Eiji’s laugh back then was a funny one. 

Ash almost felt like smiling at the brief memory of that, but right now he had a very sad and devastated version of his beloved guy in front of him, and there wasn’t really anything he could do about it. 

“Can I just have some time... to think it over?” Eiji turned around.

“I need to sort my feelings out.” Actually there _was_ something Ash could do about it, something he would do if it wasn’t for the dangerous situation they were in that made him do this awful thing in the first place. 

He imagined, just _imagined_ what it would be like to walk up to him and wrap his arms around him. Scribble his fingers over his stomach, under his shirt.... Kiss the back of his neck and hear him whine how it tickled, but without using too much power to shake him off. That was Eiji. He would laugh, giggle, squeak, squirm and struggle, but never wholeheartedly. 

As easy as it may sound, Ash could’ve resolved this thing here by doing just that. Tickle him, make him laugh. Tell him he’s sorry, that of course he didn’t mean any of that and that he would love to have Eiji by his side, because he makes him feel good. That his presence, his laugh and just his smile alone could make his entire world feel lighter and brighter.

He would have pushed that blue shirt up, higher and higher until he could trail those easily reachable ribs, that soft warm skin of his. Tease him about being too vulnerable, about being too cute when he’s being teased and tickled like this. 

Joke around that he would never send him away, but rather have him by his side under the silly condition that he could tickle him like this each and everyday. 

But with what right? Of bringing him in danger, again and again, with chances of losing him? He swallowed away the lump in his throat.

“Sure. You can do what I can’t... So we’re equal.” He watched Eiji’s back. He could still change this. He still _would_ , even if it could just allow him to hear Eiji’s lovely laughter once more. To at least end this with a smile and a laugh. Not like this.

But just because he would, doesn’t mean that he will. He just couldn’t. He sighed and walked away, numerous of what-ifs flashing through his mind. 

He tried to remember other moments of laughter. That one time he cuddled Eiji so tightly in the morning when he wouldn’t wake up, his fingers poking at his bare sides under his shirt and taunting him with nicknames such as ‘sleeping beauty’. 

Or that one time when Eiji was greedily slurping instant noodles like the classic Japanese he was, only for Ash to sneak up behind him and claw suddenly at his ribcage, tickling him effectively enough to have him bend over and howl with muffled laughter, and that while he still had the noodles in his mouth.

Yeah, there were many times that Ash could make Eiji laugh. It was a favorite way to spend any bit of spare time. But not now, not today and probably not ever? Now he was leaving Eiji alone. Knowing that he was about to cry alone, and Ash kind of felt like doing the same. 

There was no relief for doing the one thing that might bring Eiji to safety, even when there should be. Just sadness, and the pure longing to one of those lovely pure moments again with just him, Eiji, and his wonderful angelic laugh. Alas, that was just the world he lived in.


End file.
